The Darkstalkers 0-2 In D.A. N/a Police Dolts

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Two teams who have suffered serious flux during the off-season met in week 1 at The War Saw. The Darkstalkers are the new incarnation of The Mercenaries and are under new ownership and have a new head coach in The Messiah. That has to be a good thing given The Mercenaries appalling 2003 record. The Dolts meanwhile were the most disappointing team last season. There were high expectations of them given their track record before coming into the league. They flopped majorly, indeed their sole win in 2003 came in this fixture. During the off-season, they lost their coach Terry Hungry after his body went missing following a riot in The Cell. Fortunately though, an experienced Head Coach happened to be available as Unfavourable had a falling out with the ownership at the No Talent All-Stars and took up the opportunity to coach last season's biggest under-achievers.

Given all the upheaval, the only thing that can be read into last season's form is the appalling nature of it. The fact that they had a total combined 5 points suggests that there was something wrong with both teams though Salina Black, Wood Elf Catcher for the Dolts did manage to make the All-Pro squad in a poor team. One other pointer in terms of form is that Unfavourable coached the All-Stars to the semi-finals where they narrowly lost to the Tempo Ray Mutineers. It was clear that this game would be a major indicator of the relative strengths of the teams for this season so pundits from around the league were anxious to see just how well both sides would do and whether either had improved under their new coach.

The opening coin toss was won by the Darkstalkers who elected to receive. They were matched up against a solid Cover-2 defense with a spiky wing protection. Inevitably, the play took a moment to get going as both sides were sure to be a little rusty. Some things do not change though, when the opening play finally arrived it was a familiar one to any supporters of The Mercenaries. Alec von Tasslebine the Thrower took hold of the ball, he raced to his right and handed off to the waiting Splinter. The Gutter Runner was the only scorer for The Mercenaries last season with all four of their touchdowns. In fact, every single play was sent his way when he was fit enough to take the field. Just as in 2003, Splinter attempted a solo effort to out-pace the defence. The Dolts aren't quite the slack team they were last year in defence though. Instead of letting the player run by as happened on more than one occasion during the previous season, the waiting defenders did something about it. Norse Blitzer Sven Andersson led by example with a blitz on the ball carrier, the Norseman's frenzy was enough to take down the diminutive Splinter and secure the first tackle of the game. The blow was enough to knock out the Gutter Runner and leave the ball bouncing free on the ground.

Last season, this kind of a setback would have stopped The Mercenaries in their tracks. The Darkstalkers showed a greater resolve, refusing to take it lying down. Top Krush pick Fido "Crackabone" Muncher showed why he was valued so highly by the new ownership, Badly Hurting Lineman Simpson. Crackabone was not the only player to turn on some style as Troll Slayer Igror Da Zkina who had done approximately nothing in 2003 remarkably managed to take possession of the ball under pressure and wedge his way behind a couple of supporting blockers. The two teams managed just 12 Casualties between them in 2003 and this points to a serious lack of firepower. Further evidence emerged throughout the half as neither team could push the other back and a huge rumble effectively locked up the play. The Darkstalkers could not get out from their own half but the Dolts could not forge a way through to the ball carrier. The lack of action continued for what seemed like an eternity for the paying spectators and was only broken near the end of the half when The Darkstalkers finally tried a daring play.

Igror moved laterally across the field once again to find second round pick "Sewer King" Screech Johnson the Skaven Blitzer. A successful hand-off would leave the pacy Johnson with an opportunity to stretch his legs in the Dolts backfield. It was not a successful hand-off, Johnson fumbled embarassingly and left the ball within touching distance of the visiting side for the first time since Sven Andersson tackled Splinter out of the game. The player first on the scene for the Dolts was "High" Lady Venice, the Witch Elf. Slipping in and out of tackle zones to collect the ball and take possession on behalf of the visitors for the first time, a counter-attack touchdown attempt was on. There was very little time left in the half so it would require a burst of genuine pace. Top scorer for the Dolts in 2003, Salina Black the Wood Elf Catcher is that burst of pace for the team. Taking possession of the ball, she lined up the end zone and targetted a score. It was not to be, Screech Johnson atoned for his error by tackling Salina and the half ended 0-0.

0-0 at the half was the same score as in the first game of 2003 for the Dolts against the Mutineers. That game went on to end 1-0 to the Mutineers at the start of what proved a disappointing campaign for the Dolts. Against last season's whipping boys, the newly re-christened Darkstalkers, it would not mark a genuine improvement over last season.

There was one bright spark from the 2003 season and that was the exciting scoring threat of Salina Black. Understandably, she took the second half kick-off and against an aggressive front line defense, took advantage of a narrow running lane created by team captain Snurg "The Great". The Chaos Warrior was a deserved winner of the Dolts Fan Favourite vote in 2003. One of the problems with being so fast though is that it is difficult for team-mates to keep pace. The same was true this time, the Dolts could not get enough support to Salina to protect her from the floating safety at the back, the recovered Splinter. The Gutter Runner showed some defensive solidity despite being the only player from his team not far too high up the pitch. The second successful tackle of the game for the home side looked like it could half the Dolts fast flowing play in its tracks. The tackle was not enough though, the second wave of Dolts players came crashing through, led by "High" Lady Venice. She easily knocked the dimunitive Gutter Runner out of the way and took hold of the ball for the opening score.

With the crucial first touchdown of the season secured, the Dolts added a little bit of injury. A violent kick-off knocked over the Darkstalkers top Krush pick, Fido "Crackabone" Muncher a fearsome Kroxigor with plenty of potential to hand out beats. The kick-off bounced around the line of scrimmage but Splinter was quick enough to react. The Darkstalkers managed to put together a little protection for the Gutter Runner but not enough protection to stop the Dolts from getting though. The Dolts are designed for aggressive defence and they showed this with their impressive ability to get to the ball carrier. Troll Slayer Gordon Harbine cleared the way for Snurg "The Great" to come crashing through with a huge tackle before Splinter just on the half-way line. The hit marked the last time the home side saw the ball. The visitors turned on a slow, deliberate drive that cleared bodies out of the way and gave free reign to Salina Black. The Darkstalkers had no answer as their healthy numbers dwindled thanks to knockouts and a Badly Hurt Goblin, Skriver thanks to Orc Blitzer Smack.

The game was ended with the second score, Salina Black walked in unopposed with lead blockers protecting her from all angles. It was a satisfactory opening performance from the Dolts. Their defense was indeed tight as expected but it was not as emphatic a scoreline as in 2003. This may be due to an improvement from the Darkstalkers over their previous incarnation as Mercenaries. Time will tell on that but the game sapped an disappointing 6 game winless streak for the Dolts that stretched back to the Mercenaries game last season. The Darkstalkers in either incarnation are still to record their first victory, on this performance there is still some way to go but the new ownership will have to hope that his new coaching staff are able to deliver as the season progresses. Only 9 Rushing Yards total for the home side is not enough.

Injuries: None

Key Stats

Team	CAS	Rush	Blocks	Downs	Fum
Darkstalkers	1	9	38	16	7
Dolts	1	25	40	23	2

MVPS: Alec von Tasslebine, Sven Andersson

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