Fabienettes 0-2 No Talent All-Stars

Week 3 26/08/03

Referee: Keith Hakit

Weather: Nice

Gate: 35k

Having lost their opening two games, the All-Stars were looking to kick-start their season with a positive result in their cross-conference fixture at the Fabienettes. For their part, the Fabienettes were coming off a defeat to the Mutineers and keen to get back to winning ways. Pundits were looking to this match as a guide to the way the season might pan out as the match was the first inter-conference clash. The bottom side in the Western Conference against a team second in the East sounds like a home banker but the clash of styles was to prove the key factor in what turned out to be a comfortable win for the All-Stars.

The All-Stars won the coin toss and elected to receive, confident in their hard hitting offensive style. As usual, the Fabienettes deployed a deep defense leaving the front line isolated and vulnerable but leaving a secondary and tertiary back-up. The danger of this tactic was revealed not long into the first half when the away team bludgeoned their way through the center. The only setback to the Western Conference team's initial play was when Wood Elf Aenarion Hart fumbled following a tackle from Fabienettes Orc Thrower Wogwog. Without enough players near the front line, the Fabienettes could not take advantage of the moment of individual brilliance. Wogwog himself was laid out for the rest of the half when Jack Hour the Human Blitzer took revenge for his side against the upstart Orc who had dared to stand in the way of the All-Stars surge.

Those Fabienettes available rallied to form the deep defence tactic that had failed in the previous match against the Mutineers in a desperate attempt to keep enough healthy bodies on the pitch to halt the drive. The home team's attempts to keep their manpower levels up suffered a serious setback shortly before the mid way point of the first half due to the sheer brutality of Kaneris N'Gillthrog the Ogre. For the first time in the season, the Most Esteemed Guild of Undertakers and Funerial Assistants was called in to sweep up following an horrendous block from the 7'7", 520lb Ogre on the scrawny, 4ft and facially unfortunate Goblin "Roy's" Mum. A hushed awe descended around Fabien Fields before all four ends of the ground erupted in rapture when the full horror of what had just happened sunk in. Head coach Fabiano told reporters after the game that it was no loss as "Roy's Mum was ugly anyway."

The death of a team-mate seemed to spur the Fabienettes into action as those remaining all recovered from what appeared to be some kind of relaxed state to collectively leaping to their feet and away from the on-rushing monsters. Taking advantage of the fear, High Elf Thrower Thaleus Thunderarm took up the running and the serious business of moving the ball towards the opposing end zone. As if to rub their dominance in, Thundearm stopped just short of the Fabienettes line and stood taunting the home fans who responded with a casual indifference. With the touchdown just inches away and no danger of any Fabienettes tracking back before the High Elf could score to make it 1-0

The remainder can be largely described as consisting of the Fabienettes attemting to keep out of the way of the All-Star and their players being too shaken to properly hold onto the ball, suffering a series of fumbles. At half-time, the Fabienettes pulled out a brilliant ploy to aid their chances as they announced the signing of Dave "The Paedo" who had apparently lost a game of lots and been signed from a section of the crowd.

Dave's signing wasn't enough to halt the rampant Kaneis who badly hurt Wood Elf Thrower Fabino in the Ogre's first action of the half. His second action was to tackle Wogwog and end what turned out to be the home side's final rushing attempt of the half. There was seemingly no stopping the All-Stars now as Thaleus Thunderarm once again took up the running with no Fabienettes in sight. Human Lineman Tom Flid waded in with a series of vicious fouls including one that looked to take Goblin Lineman Roy completely out of it. Later reports from the medical room showed that Roy had made a complete recovery thanks to treatment and in fact had just been extremely lean.

With the visitors dominating physically, the Fabienettes offered up a similar resistance to that shown against the Mutineers seemingly scared to face up to their stronger opponents. In the entire second half, the Fabienettes threw a meagre total of just 4 Blocks. The All-Stars themselves found it increasingly difficult to throw meaningful hits as their opponents ran and hid wherever possible. As a second-best option, Thaleus ran in his second of the game to make it 2-0 and end the effective play in the game.

Having suffered two early defeats, the All-Stars efforts could have served to resurrect their season and play-off chances. For their part, the Fabienettes seemed happy just to have survived almost intact. The loss of "Roy's" Girl was shrugged off by the coaching staff who claimed their fortunes would change once key player Fabio the Wardancer returned from injury for the game against the Dolts

Injuries:

Fabienettes: "Roy's" Mum - Dead

Key Stats

Team CAS Blocks Downs Rush Fouls
Fabienettes 0 15 8 2 2
All-Stars 3 33 26 36 10

MVPS: Homo Inferior, Samuel Magnusson

Best Players

Kaneris N'Gillthrog: 1 Fatality, 1 CAS, 12 Blocks, 11 Downs, 2 Tackles
Thaleus Thunderarm: 2 TDs, 2 Rushes for 23 yards
Tom Flid: 1 CAS, 2 Blocks, 1 Down, 2 Stands, 8 Fouls, 5 Damage, 1 Fumble, Sent Off


Results