My View by Lord Bertrand Bartleburger Terwilliger


Hello my darling readers! As the premiere commentator on our wonderful, majestic sport of Blood Bowl, it is the pleasure of myself, Lord Bertrand of Spatula, to present to you, alongside one of the longest sentences in this publication, my informed and important opinion on the new expansion teams.

We’ll start with the Gadfathers, who appear to have frittered away their hard-earned money on rodents, dogs and nobodies. After all, who in their right mind would trust a rat? Especially as a first round pick! I once had a rat come into my house and you can be damned sure that I dealt with it in short order – yes sir! I sent my butler, Rimmington, straight down to the village to purchase a serf to deal with the problem, and that rat has never been seen again. That’s my opinion on rats, and that’s why the Gadfathers are my pick to prop up the league.

As for the Bomb Squad, well they’ve made some good moves. Seef-Orr seems like as good a prospect as you can get, considering the “preferences” of his kind. The human thrower will complement that pick nicely, allowing them the freedom to effectively spread their play. They’ll be a hard side to stop.

The Revenue Stealers have been a bit of a surprise package. It is not immediately clear to me why they picked Xiao Xiao who, although amusingly named, appears somewhat lacking in the departments labelled “talent” and “useful”. Their two human linemen are interesting to those of us who work for charities that deal with the elderly, but in order to acquire them they first had to pass up the opportunity to bring in the Black Orc blocker, Uruk. Bad move.

PAIN Corp is the most interesting of the new sides, to be sure. Their early pre-season actions have seemed particularly shrewd. They used their first draft pick to purchase brute strength in the form of Leonora “Eater of Worlds” Snugglebum. Snugglebum is an odd player in this commentator’s opinion. Leaving aside the ludicrous name, there is the fact that he is a complete rookie to the game of blood bowl, having been drafted from prison. This is the exact opposite of their second pick, who represents in every way the consummate professional sportsman. Gha’rosh Bloodfist was the #1 ranked rookie playing in the “Gallons o’ Gore” college league. Famed for his head-down hard running, the blitzer offers another dimension to the brute strength already emphasised by the Corporation’s team. The latest announcement regarding the acquisition of ex-Savages lineman Cassius Slay is another good move, bringing proven experience and front-line leadership to the raw power of the new recruits.

As to how it’ll end up, here’s my professional prediction:

Name Points

PAIN Corp 24
Bomb Squad 1
Revenue Stealers 0
Gadfathers -5

DISCLAIMER:

The above work represents the sole opinion of Lord Bertrand Bartleburger Terwilliger, Earl of Spatula. His opinions may not represent the reality of any situation, neither are his comments to be construed as insulting or taunting on behalf of any team, coach or individual. Lord Bertrand would like to emphasise that he is utterly and completely impartial as regards the subject matter on which he writes.